


Back on my Bullshit

by AlexZEnderborn



Category: Half-Life
Genre: Angst, But he comes back, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Fluff, Gordon thinks Benrey is dead, Hand Mentioned, M/M, Missing Limb, Mpreg, The Tommy x Frenrey is not explicit, Tommy takes care of him, fan baby
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-03-06 08:07:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25966351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexZEnderborn/pseuds/AlexZEnderborn
Summary: Gordon has angst because he is in love with Benrey and oops! Baby!
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman, Benrey/Tommy Coolatta/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 7
Kudos: 88





	Back on my Bullshit

Gordon shook slightly as he stared at the test again. Oh god, he was going to be sick. Benry, the bastard, had the fucking nerve to fuck him over like this from the grave. He had been such a lovesick idiot. Why had he let himself fall for Benry over and over. Even after the bastard betrayed him and cut off his hand, it didn’t stop Gordon from sneaking off with him when the team was asleep.

He threw up into the toilet, letting out a choked sob as all the tension from his body made its way out. What was he going to do now? It’s not like he could just put an end to it now. He was this far into this mess, and he loved kids. But what if he wasn’t even pregnant with a kid? It’s not like Benry was human to begin with. He choked out another sob as his brain slowly worked around the idea.

A baby.

His baby.

Gordon puked whatever he had left in his system up and stumbled his way into his room. God what was he going to do? He could lie. Say he had sex with someone else in the time frame. Hell, maybe he was pregnant during the whole of Black Mesa. That was a good excuse, throw it off that he had been pregnant beforehand.

Except that his baby could have blue skin and orange eyes, or sharp little teeth and tiny claws. They could shapeshift, have more eyes randomly or spit little colored bubbles out when they cried. Gordon’s stomach twisted itself into knots again as tears sprang up in his eyes. God. Why did he love that bastard so much? Why did he want his baby to have blue skin, black hair and orange eyes. Why did he want to wake up and find Benry laying next to him? He sobbed bitterly into his pillow, his whole body wanting to just shut down.

Benry. Benry had taken his hand. Now Gordon couldn’t even hold their baby right because he didn’t trust his prosthetic to keep a little baby head up. What would Joshua think? He was sure the little boy would love to be a big brother.

It was a warm afternoon when he asked Tommy to come over. He knew the older man would enjoy the company for a little while, even if Gordon was going to drop the emotional bomb on his friend. Tommy brought Sunkist with him, the support animal helping them all through this incredibly hard time.

Gordon made sure he got some soda out before Tommy got there, the man doing happy flaps when he saw his favorite drink sitting on the counter. He took a seat across from Gordon, sensing the other man was in a quiet time.

“Hello, Gordon.” Tommy said with a warm smile, pleased to see that Gordon smiled back. The other took a moment to process before looking at his friend with sad eyes. “What’s wrong?”

“...So. I have something to tell you. And it’s because you’re my best friend, and I know you’ll be smart enough to help me figure out what to do.” Gordon said with a sigh, resting his arm on the counter.

“...tell me whatever you need.” Tommy said, noticing how Sunkist moved over to where Gordon was, allowing him to pet her as he thought.

“...I’m actually 4 months pregnant.” Gordon said, tears collecting in his eyes as he laid his head down on the table.

Tommy froze up, processing that slowly. “Is, is that bad Gordon? Do you need me to help you with a visit to a clinic?” He offered sweetly.

“God, no. That’s a sweet offer though. Really.” Gordon looked so sad. “I don’t need to spell out who the father is, right?” He asked softly.

Tommy was no idiot. “Benrey wouldn’t want you to be so sad, Gordon.” He said thoughtfully, reaching out to comfort his friend.

“Benrey would want me to be sad. All he did was make fun of me for loving him.” Gordon sniffled sadly, the poor man crying again. “Just. Just made fun of me until he got his way with me, and then sent the fucking military to cut off my arm. You know what this means Tommy? I was pregnant when that happened. I was carrying his fucking kid and the bastard cut off my arm.” Gordon sobbed openly. “He didn’t care about me at all.”

Tommy took misery in his friend's misery, moving to the other side of the table to gently comfort him. “That’s not true, Mr. Freeman. He loved you, but the code told him he needed to be the bad guy. He didn’t know. I’m sure if he did, he wouldn’t have hurt you like that.”

Gordon’s head hurt at the mention of code again. It always hurt. Like he was meant to know something he didn’t. He hiccuped sadly.

“I don’t know what to tell the others.” Gordon admitted softly, the poor man feeling so lost. He didn’t know if they would try and let him keep the baby or not. Bubby certainly didn’t like Benry anymore, but Coomer was always more understanding.

“We tell them that you’re going to have a baby.” Tommy said with a nod. “And that they need to not be so mean to you because being pregnant is hard and it makes you emotional.” The older man rubbed Gordon’s back, making him let out another burst of tears.

They ended up cuddled on the couch, Tommy gently running fingers through Gordon’s hair and letting the man relax. Gordon talked openly and honestly about what traits he hoped his baby shared with his dead partner. It made Gordon cry as he thought about how he had to kill Benry. He didn’t want to. He didn’t want to do that to the being he spent night after emotional night with.

Tommy ended up moving in with him briefly when he hit 6 months, the baby straining Gordon’s already recovering body to the point he needed help with everything. He was thankful for the help, even as he felt a little unsure of what to do with himself. Joshua was staying with his mom for a few weeks while Gordon sorted out the nursery in his apartment, the poor guy needing to take breaks every half an hour.

The doctors told him his baby was healthy and big, meaning that Gordon felt like a bloated whale all the time. Tommy would tell him he looked fine, even as Gordon knew he did not. Benry wouldn’t have thought he looked good. Gordon’s mind whispered that to him every time he passed the mirror. When Tommy had to go back home to his dad, Gordon was left alone to cover all the mirrors so Benry’s words couldn’t hurt him.

Benry showed up on his door when he was 7 months pregnant. Gordon was dressed in soft clothes that hid his bump well enough, making him just look overweight. The guard didn’t even ask as he walked into the apartment, greeting Gordon with a,

“sup, feetman. I see you have let yourself go. it’s ok, I’m into that.” Benry had said instead of a greeting. He looked startled when Gordon burst into tears and hugged him tight as he could. He meant to tell Benry that night when the guard held him close and serenaded him with his Black Mesa Sweet Voice. He had meant to tell him when the guard made a joke about him being too fat to pick up boxes. He had meant to tell him when the smell of his favorite breakfast made him vomit. He meant to tell him when Breney offered to pick Joshie up from school because Gordon was so tired. He meant to do it a lot of times.

Every time he opened his mouth, he found himself at a loss for words. How was he to explain to this entity that he was pregnant with their child? That he was going to give birth to their lovely baby. He knew what Benry thought of babies. The guard hadn’t held back much when he had insulted Joshua’s picture. The thought that Breny wouldn’t like their baby, that he would probably leave him the moment he went into labor made his heartache in a way he never understood. He was such a selfish bastard, keeping Benrey around for his own personal happiness.

Benry comforted him when he cried over the thought of the other treating their child badly, even if Benry didn’t know why he was crying. The entity would coo, try to reassure Gordon that he would never leave him. It only made his boyfriend cry harder, so he stuck to the age old tactic of curling Gordon up in a blanket and shape shifting to a slightly larger size to cradle him.

The news of Benry’s return meant that Tommy’s daily visits paused long enough for Gordon to hide the baby for 2 solid weeks. Tommy had been the most epic of friend, getting Bubby to get over himself and allow Tommy and Coomer to convince him that Benrey was an OK guy.

Up until Tommy returned with Bubby and Coomer in tow. Coomer had greeted Benry excitedly and chatted away happily, while Tommy was there as moral support for Gordon, taking him into another room to gently comfort him.

“Are you doing ok? Have you two been fighting?” Tommy asked, clearly concerned for his friend and his baby. Gordon’s heart melted softly. There was the one thing he and Benrey had talked about. Their mutual crush on Tommy.

“I’m fine, Tommy. Benrey has been himself, but the fighting has been pretty minimal. I think most of the fighting before was just from the stress.” Gordon calmed, moving to give the taller man a little pat and a kiss on the cheek. “Thank you for worrying about us. That’s very sweet.”

After that little conversation, they returned to the others. Benrey had finished his chatting, the entity watching Coomer and Bubby fight over who got to sing in Garage Band on the TV. Gordon decided now was the time to get some food cooked for all his friends. The reunion was going well when Gordon had reached above his head to get a box of food out of the cubourd to cook them up some food. Benry sat in a chair at the counter, scrolling through his phone while Gordon struggled. He heard Coomer enter the room with an angry huff.

“That’s not very nice, Benry! Making your pregnant partner do all the work! What would you do if he hurt himself!” Dr. Coomer was saying angrily, reaching up and getting the box of macaroni from Gordon. Gordon felt like ice had been dumped down his back. He looked over to see those orange eyes staring directly at him.

“what?” Benry said, clearly hurt and confused by the random attack against himself.

“It’s kinda fucked up.” Bubby piped up from where he entered, joining Coomer to cook. “Making someone who probably shouldn’t even be up and walking around do all the work. He’s carrying your weird alien kid around in him and you don’t even bother to help him reach a shelf?” They were being defensive of Gordon, trying to protect him.

“gordon.” Benry started, anger and worry clear in his expression. “why dont you come with me? You need to go sit down.”

Gordon didn’t get much of a choice as he was dragged out of the room. Seemingly the sudden care appeased his scientist friends who continued to cook. Tommy watched anxiously as Gordon was dragged off to their bedroom, the older man following to eavesdrop to make sure Gordon and the baby were safe. Benry dragged Gordon to the backroom, the poor scientist already tearing up. Before Benry could even begin to be mad, Gordon was already rambling.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t want to lie. But you don’t like kids, and I just got you back. I understand if you wanted to leave anyway, I. I know you don’t want us like that. I get it, I know. I’m fat and gross right now, and I barely want to look at myself let alone you probably do. A-and I know you hate babies, so I don’t mind raising them by myself, but please don’t take them.” Gordon was rambling begging for something, anything, he didn’t know. He didn’t want Benry to leave so soon. He was going to be a single father of two and the love of his life was going to leave him to raise his alien baby. Oh god he was going to kill his baby on accident. He couldn’t help the sob that broke out of him at that.

Benry’s anger faded, the entity growing in size and scooping his poor sobbing boyfriend up into his arms. Benry cooed to him sweetly in his black mesa sweet voice, running his claws hands gently over Gordon’s bump. It was one hell of a surprise, but the fact that Gordon was begging him to not hurt him, hurt honestly. But he understood the fear. He nuzzled into the man until Gordon had calmed down.

“for the epic gamer moment comp, you might want to listen” Benry started, the entity feeling Gordon stiffening up in his arms. “first. You are amazingly handsome. No baby can take that away from you. Second, I’m kinda.” Benry failed for a moment, clearly fumbling. “your like my ps4 game pass, bro.” He said, making the scientist in his arms laugh. “also, I’m not huge on feelings. And I’m really trying here. But I don’t hate you. And I just got back, so I’m sure as fuck not leaving anytime soon. Especially if you are having my.” He flailed again. “my cool gamer kid.” He decided on, gently rubbing the bump, startled when he felt the kick under his claw.

“ah sweet. Little street fighter” Benry said softly, making Gordon laugh so loud it hurt. Gordon was in love with Benry, so much. And Benry loved him back apparently.

“…thank you, Benrey. I love you too.” Gordon said softly, the man moving to kiss his boyfriend on the chin because he was too big at the moment for the lips. Benrey let out a high pitched noise, bright pink bubbles floating above their heads.

Tommy peaked in from outside the door, giving Bubby and Coomer a little thumbs up to let them know that everything had worked out. Coomer grinned, the scientist giving Bubby a big hug excitedly before they ran off to cook the food. Tommy paused at the door, the man gently knocking. “Gordon? Benrey? May I come in?” Tommy asked softly. He gently pet Sunkist, the dog tugging gently on his sleeve to pull him in the door after Benrey sang at him in sweet voice. Benrey was still oversized, cradling a calming Gordon close. Tommy moved, gently opening his arms in the universal gesture of ‘up’. Benrey grinned, his sharp teeth on display as he pulled Tommy into the cuddle pile. Tommy moved, the older man happily cuddling up to Gordon. Gordon was more than happy to cuddle back, the pregnant man now relaxing happily in the pile.

“Isn’t young love beautiful?” Coomer asked his partner, getting a huff out of Bubby.

“Just get the fucking door open so I don’t need to stand here with this food.” Bubby snapped, drawing the attention of the three on the bed to him.

“Hello, Gordon! We have brought nourishment for you and your baby!” Doctor Coomer declared as he entered the bedroom with a pile of dishes. Bubby followed, bare hands gripping the bottom of a steaming pot of spaghetti.

“Oh my god.” Bubby grumbled under his breath, the scientist putting it down on the nightstand without a care for the wood. Oh well.

Gordon gave them a little smile, yelping a bit to balance himself as Benry shrunk down.

“ah sick. food’s done.” Benrey grinned, gently kissing Gordon’s cheek before escaping, leaving Tommy cuddled up to Gordon on the bed. Gordon sat there a moment and took it all in. Tonight was good. And if this was what the rest of his life was going to be like, he was thrilled. 


End file.
